Saturday, March 24, 2007

Whack Ass Advice: Little Letters Mean So Much

Dear Wordy,

After a long dry spell, I’m finally back on the dating scene and meeting new people, making new friends, etc. In fact, I’ve met a wonderful girl recently who’s really caught my attentions. We have lots of common interests and enjoy spending time together.

The only thing that concerns me though is that she’s mentioned that she’s into “S&M”. Not wanting to flaunt my ignorance, I just said “Oh, that’s cool!” and left it at that.

Can you shine a little light on this for me?

-- Acronymically Challenged

Dear Acro,

I have three little words for you: Run Like Hell! While some may beg to differ, “S&M” does, in fact, stand for “Sales and Marketing”. Your delightful new kitten is actually an oily weasel who enjoys conning people out of their money in exchange for what are usually shoddy products and services.

Sure, she's charming now, but it’s only a matter of time before she’s got a leash around your neck and has you cold-calling clients at 3 a.m. Then it's off to Step 2: wining and dining some sleazy prospect on the golf course or at the local titty bar just so she can snag that commission.

Sales and Marketing people are just plain evil. Period. Resist her tempting ways and get out while you can!

Good luck and be strong,


P.S. Being into "S&M could also mean she likes a weird mix of Skittles and M&M candies mixed together, but that's odd enough in itself. Do you really want to be with someone who can't coordinate snacks? Didn't think so.

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