Monday, February 19, 2007

WhackAss Advice: Wantin' Fries With That Shake

Dear Wordy,

I’m a manager at a fastfood joint (go ahead and laugh, but at least I’m employed) and there is one hot young employee that I'd love to make a Happy Meal out of, if you catch my drift. Sure she's only 17, but everytime I catch a glimpse of her perfect young butt in that polyester uniform my hormones start raging and it's all I can do not to ravish her in the walk-in cooler. She's flirted with me brazenly enough that she's made it clear she wants me, too. Should I cool my jets or get me some?

Wantin' Fries with that...

Dear Fries,

In today's economy, just having a job is a miracle in itself, so Miz Wordy would never be so crass as to mock your career field. Congrats on the management job, too! Now, on to your issue...

We all know that underage fast food employees have a vast range of legal options at their fingertips, so keep that in mind before you PIN HER TO THE WALL AND SCREW HER LUSCIOUS YOUNG BRAINS OUT. No relationship, casual or otherwise begins with a lawsuit in which you're made the villain for giving in to the urge to ROGER THAT LUSTY WENCH ON THOSE SACKS OF FROZEN FRIES AFTERHOURS.

Sure she's tempting and teasing and consenting, and begging for you two to GO AT IT LIKE SEX-CRAZED WEASELS. But until she's 18, you should refuse to GIVE IN TO CARNAL TEMPTATION AND DO HER. Under no circumstances, should you attempt anything that might get you throw into prison where you'd be unable to HAVE HOT WILD SEX WITH HER NOW.
I think I've made myself clear on that, eh?

--Wordy, who's had a few Whoppers in her time...