Time for a Double-Take

A Christmas Dissapointment

If your high-maint femme wants cha-cha heels for Christmas, that's damn sure what you should have bought her! Or else!

A Very Merry Christmas, Indeed!

Don't you love it when some website you've been trying to re-find forever suddenly comes into view? Here you are, grrlies: The Best Christmas Ad Evar And no, it's NSFW (Not Safe for Work) Ho, Ho Ho!

Just a quickie...

A 14 year old lesbian walks into a whorehouse and says, “I want a woman to eat me.”

“I’m sorry” the madam responds, “we don’t serve lickers to minors”

The Best Gay and Lesbian Cartoons of 2007

Best Gay And Lesbian Cartoons Of May, 2007 - Click here for more blooper videos

Strange Sisters: Delightfully Scandalous!

Ah, the seedy underbelly of the literary world... What they didn't spend on plot and character development was poured onto the cover in lurid full color. And with scary fonts, no less. Behold a collection of Lesbian Pulp Fiction covers from the 50s and 60s that so deserves to be made into a line of fridge magnets and T-shirts.

Margaret Cho, Olivia Cruise Entertainer

Is David Hasselhoff a Lesbian?

No, but according to Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians he certainly does have that aging butch look about him.

Pikachu Has a Gender!

When all that Pokemon crap was so popular with the kiddies, many of us assumed the characters were either male or asexual. Oh, how wrong we were! The proof is in the pictures!

Liven Up a Boring Saturday Night

Nothing on the idiot box and you've got time to kill. Why not liven things up by starting your Christmas gift crafts early? With Match Your Snatch, you can give a personal gift they'll remember. Fridge magnets, anyone?

The Midwest Teen Sex Show

Shocking as it may seem, teens in the breadbasket of the US are aware of s-e-x! And some of them have put together a truly hilarious collection of videos. The current episode is "Homosexuality: Part One"

Lesbian Comedy from Jody Ekert

A Weapon of Mass Absorption Goes Lethal

So there you are, in a dark alley... a menacing figure approaches. Darn! You've left the 357 in the lingerie chest at home. What's a grrl to do?

Why, whip out the Tampon Stun Gun and prepare to attack the attacker!

Sometimes Ya Gotta Kiss a Frog or Two...

Sexiest Mousepads in Town!

Surfing through the Craigslist hookup ads can be hard work, but there's no sense in suffering needlessly from the heartbreak of excessive wrist pain. Get yourself a Mousepad with Boobies to ward off that demon, carpel tunnel syndrome!

Lea DeLaria: The Secret of Youth

Suzanne Westenoffer: Boy Cruises vs Grrl Cruises

The hot and hilarious Suzanne outlines the differences between boat trips for gay boys and cruises for the girls -- and yes, there are plenty!

CompuBeaver: The Ultimate Lesbian Computer?

Link Every now and then, we run across an absolutely brilliant art project and this one definitely qualifies, even though we haven't bothered to ask the artist if she's family or not. Hell, we snickered for a good 15 minutes over the name alone! It's a fully-functional PC built into a taxidermied beaver carcass, and the link above gives you step-by-step directions on how to build your own CompuBeaver!

So there's this dermatologist, ya see...

And he goes in to work one day, and his first patient comes in and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My boyfriend refuses to take off his letter sweater when we make love, and now I have this horrible rash." She takes off her shirt, and sure enough, there's a big red itchy rash in the form of an H on her chest.
The doctor says, "This is interesting, I've never seen anything quite like it before. I wonder why it occured in such an unusual shape."
"He goes to Harvard," she says.
"Ah, that would explain it," he says. He prescribes some calamine lotion and sends her on her way."
The next patient comes in and says, "Doctor, I hope you can help me with this rash. It's a little embarrassing, but it's driving me crazy."
She takes off her shirt, and displays a big, itchy, red rash in the shape of a Y. The doctor raises his eyebrows. "It's my boyfriend," she explains.
"He goes to Yale, and is so into his new letter sweater that he never takes it off, even when we're making love. Is there anything you can do?"
The doctor prescribes calamine lotion and sends patient number 2 on her way. The third patient comes in and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me!" She takes off her shirt, and there on her chest is a big, itchy, red rash in the shape of an M.
"Don't tell me," says the doctor. "Your boyfriend goes to MIT, and refuses to take off his letter sweater when you make love."
The patient looks at him with surprise. "Close," she says. "My girlfriend goes to Wellesley."

Good Spelling Is Important

From a Craigslist ad in "Women Seeking Women":

"I love to try new things and enjoy eating out in restraints."

Quiz: Dog Toy or Love Utensil?

How well do you know your tools? Can you tell the difference between a toy for your lover and a toy for your Labrador? Take the quiz and find out!

Top 10 Sex Toy Patents

Link Necessity being the mother of invention, check these babies out -- and possibly kick yourself for not having invented them first!

The WordyGrrl Survey 2007

The WordyGrrl Survey 2007

Movies
1) What movie do you recommend most to other people? Why?
2) If you could remake a movie, which would it be and what would you change?
3) "I am almost guaranteed to like any movie that includes ________" (Yo, fill in the blank.)

Music
1) What do most people not know about your musical tastes?
2) What CD (or tape or vinyl) would people be surprised to find in your collection?
3) And the one you play so often you had to buy a replacement?

Television
1) What show is your guilty pleasure?
2) "Lifetime" -- Television for Empowering Women or Television for Victims?
3) Ever watch a political debate so you can down a shot every time they say "for the children," "Freedom" or "Democracy?"

Grade School
1) Which of your school pics is the least flattering and why?
2) Any grade school crushes? Do tell!
3) Coolest project you ever made for a grade school class?

High School
1) Which crowd did you hang with?
2) If you attended a reunion, would you arrive in your own car or a rented limo packed with champagne, coke and high-dollar hookers?
3) What happened to your high school crush?

Post High School
1) Did you serve in the military? If so, what branch and what job?
2) Did you study quietly in college or were you one of those rowdy sorority girls?
3) Ever bag a sorority girl? A military babe?

Job Life
1) What was your first paying job?
2) What was the worst job? Like so bad you'd only wish it on an enemy?
3) Most ridiculous thing you've ever heard a boss say is: ______


Real Life Skills
1) Best prank you ever pulled is:
2) If you had to cook to impress a date, what would you make (yes, with your own two hands and all the appropriate kitchen things):
3) Auto maintenance: List your three rockin' skills:
4) Stupidest question you've ever been asked on a job interview:
5) What bad lessons has your pet taught you about life?
6) What's the one household chore you'd love to hire somebody else to do?
7) Best way to spend $5 is:
8) Best way to spend a totally slothful weekend is:
9) What website do you gleefully waste the most time on?
10) Which power tool or kitchen implement would we have to pry out of your cold, dead hands?
11) What question did this survey forget to ask?

What Type of Lesbian are YOU?

You scored as The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke. You are the lesbian who can connect your vagina to nearly every object in the entire universe, creative and a little creepy you always astonish your friends. The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke 65% The Femme Fatale 50% The Student Dyke 40% The Granola Dyke 40% The Pretty-Boi Dyke 35% The Surprise! Dyke 35% The Stud 35% The Little-Boy Dyke 30% The Sprightly Elfin Femme 30% The Magic Earring Ken Dyke 25% The Quasi-Gothic Femme 20% The Bohemian Dyke 20% The Hipster Dyke 0% What Type of Lesbian Are You? (Inspired by Curve Mag.) created with QuizFarm.com

The Girl Quiz: What's Your Type?

Which GIRL is your type? The Siren hot. exotic looking. usually has one prominent feature. most commonly has medium - dark skin and hair. (Famous women who resemble this type: Penelope Cruz, Selma Hayek, Eva Longoria, Eva Mendes, Jennifer Lopez, Halle Berry) Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests

We Invented It!

Just when you thought you might be a lazy homosexual. Turns out we invented the computer! Wow, we rock! For extra fun, how many dykey vibes do you get from the gal in this protest photo?

Whack Ass Advice: Paranoid About Packing

Dear Wordy,

After a few months of really hot chat and devastatingly hot cyber and phone sex, my online babe and I are finally going to meet up in real life. To say that I’m looking forward to getting it on with this delightfully freaky woman is putting it mildly. If it’s a kink, she’s into it – which is exactly what I like in a woman!

Unfortunately I do have some worries about toys and tackle. With all the heightened security and baggage checks at the airport, I might be setting myself up for some major embarrassment. Any advice on how to avoid the horror of being singled out for ridicule by the Rent-A-Feds at the gate and still bring my toys with me?

--Have Toys, Will Travel

Dear Travel,

While we all understand the need for stringent security in the wake of the tragedy of 9-11, Ms Wordy joins you and many others in missing the days of the “friendly skies.” So many wonderful traditions are now lost for the foreseeable future – the teary-eyed farewells and joyful welcomes at the gate, the quickie in the ladies room with your girlfriend five minutes before last call for boarding, etc.

However, to deprive yourself of the potential delights of breaking out the love utensils for your paramour by leaving them at home would mean that the terrorists have won, so by all means pack those bags with all the gear your heart desires! You may choose to use a few wise options to “camouflage” these items, though.

· Never store your vibrators together in a bunch, such as in a small bag. Some, particularly the kind with fancy electronics, may cast a suspicious shadow on the X-ray machine. Keep them loose and fancy free. And for heavens sake, do remove the batteries. Nothing sparks curiosity like a buzzing, vibrating carry-on.
·

· Carrying a business card declaring yourself to be a urologist should handily explain why you’re toting a selection of mock penises, as well. This would also work for various types of rubber tubing, latex products and lube. Just be forewarned that you may be asked for medical advice. If so, keep your answers vague
· If questioned about the 25 feet of rope, leather restraints and riding crop, you might be headed for a rodeo. For the cat o' nine tails, you're on your own.
·

· Attaching an “Emergency Floatation Device” sticker on the package will reduce interest in blowup dolls rather quickly.
·

· Do pack the scented/heated/flavored/lickable massage oils in unbreakable bottles. It’s nearly impossible to get that crap out of a silk blouse.
·

· For another tack, load all your sex-related gear into the same bag and explain that it’s your “display case”. Have your business card ready, because you just might make a few sales while you’re waiting in line!

Good luck and happy traveling!

--WordyGrrl

Got issues? Problems? Questions that no sane advice columnist will answer? Send those complicated concerns to WordyGrrl for heart-felt, sincere answers to those troubling, nagging, itchy questions of yours.

Whack Ass Advice: Little Letters Mean So Much

Dear Wordy,

After a long dry spell, I’m finally back on the dating scene and meeting new people, making new friends, etc. In fact, I’ve met a wonderful girl recently who’s really caught my attentions. We have lots of common interests and enjoy spending time together.

The only thing that concerns me though is that she’s mentioned that she’s into “S&M”. Not wanting to flaunt my ignorance, I just said “Oh, that’s cool!” and left it at that.

Can you shine a little light on this for me?

-- Acronymically Challenged


Dear Acro,

I have three little words for you: Run Like Hell! While some may beg to differ, “S&M” does, in fact, stand for “Sales and Marketing”. Your delightful new kitten is actually an oily weasel who enjoys conning people out of their money in exchange for what are usually shoddy products and services.

Sure, she's charming now, but it’s only a matter of time before she’s got a leash around your neck and has you cold-calling clients at 3 a.m. Then it's off to Step 2: wining and dining some sleazy prospect on the golf course or at the local titty bar just so she can snag that commission.

Sales and Marketing people are just plain evil. Period. Resist her tempting ways and get out while you can!


Good luck and be strong,

--WordyGrrl


P.S. Being into "S&M could also mean she likes a weird mix of Skittles and M&M candies mixed together, but that's odd enough in itself. Do you really want to be with someone who can't coordinate snacks? Didn't think so.

Got issues? Problems? Questions that no sane advice columnist will answer? Send those complicated concerns to WordyGrrl for heart-felt, sincere answers to those troubling, nagging, itchy questions of yours.

WhackAss Advice: Wantin' Fries With That Shake

Dear Wordy,

I’m a manager at a fastfood joint (go ahead and laugh, but at least I’m employed) and there is one hot young employee that I'd love to make a Happy Meal out of, if you catch my drift. Sure she's only 17, but everytime I catch a glimpse of her perfect young butt in that polyester uniform my hormones start raging and it's all I can do not to ravish her in the walk-in cooler. She's flirted with me brazenly enough that she's made it clear she wants me, too. Should I cool my jets or get me some?


Wantin' Fries with that...


Dear Fries,

In today's economy, just having a job is a miracle in itself, so Miz Wordy would never be so crass as to mock your career field. Congrats on the management job, too! Now, on to your issue...

We all know that underage fast food employees have a vast range of legal options at their fingertips, so keep that in mind before you PIN HER TO THE WALL AND SCREW HER LUSCIOUS YOUNG BRAINS OUT. No relationship, casual or otherwise begins with a lawsuit in which you're made the villain for giving in to the urge to ROGER THAT LUSTY WENCH ON THOSE SACKS OF FROZEN FRIES AFTERHOURS.

Sure she's tempting and teasing and consenting, and begging for you two to GO AT IT LIKE SEX-CRAZED WEASELS. But until she's 18, you should refuse to GIVE IN TO CARNAL TEMPTATION AND DO HER. Under no circumstances, should you attempt anything that might get you throw into prison where you'd be unable to HAVE HOT WILD SEX WITH HER NOW.
I think I've made myself clear on that, eh?

--Wordy, who's had a few Whoppers in her time...

The Dildo Diaries

Starring Molly Ivins, this short documentary explains the Texas Dildo Ban. Of course they do sell "instructional aids and educational models." Hilarious!

Whack Ass Advice: Nature Versus Nails

Dear Wordy,

I’m in a new relationship with a really wonderful woman who’s just about the greatest thing I’ve run across in years. We truly enjoy each other’s company and we’re definitely a “friends first” thing. We’ve gotten past the early stages of “bein’ in lurve” and now we’re settling into the part about truly getting to know each other.

We have, however, some to some kind of brick wall on a couple of issues. Namely, she really needs to get rid of her long nails. Sure, they look nice, but hey—a grrl could hurt somebody with those, ya know? She has beautiful hands already and doesn’t need the claws.

Secondly, she’s been nagging me about shaving. I’m a natural kinda grrl who doesn’t believe in cutting off hair that the Goddess intended us to have. While she’s accepted my soft furry pits and downy legs, she still can’t handle the baby-soft hair on my back.

There’s gotta be a compromise in here somewhere. Any ideas?

--Tired of the Talons


Dear Talons,

First, I must congratulate you on your new relationship. Discovering ones lover is all part of the joy that makes life worth living, isn’t it? Extra kudos to you for being “friends first”, too!.

During the “getting to know you” phase, it’s inevitable that you’ll find some areas that need compromising and your situation is a good example. By resolving situations together, you’re building a history for your relationship that you can look back on fondly in later years.

As for her fingernails… Yeowtch! You’re absolutely right about that being a major lesbian safety hazard. Let her know your concerns, and remind her often how lovely her hands are regardless. You might even offer to trim and buff her nails as a gentle courtship “grooming” ritual.

Now for putting those hands of hers to work. Her reluctance to accept your back hair may simply be due to unfamiliarity. She just hasn’t had enough exposure to your silky strands. This is where time and tenderness come into play.

Ask her if she’d be up for giving you a gentle backrub to help unlock the stress of your day. Set the scene with candles, incense and soft music you both enjoy. Her new manicure (sans pointy claws) will allow her delicate fingers to slip easily through the peach fuzz on your back while allowing her to become more familiar with your body.

So enjoy your evening of tactile bonding and revel in all the ways you two can share your love for each other!

--WordyGrrl

P.S. To make her feel extra special and empowered, let her choose the lotion.

Got issues? Problems? Questions that no sane advice columnist will answer? Send those complicated concerns to WordyGrrl for heart-felt, sincere answers to those troubling, nagging, itchy questions of yours.

There's this dermatologist ya see...

And he goes in to work one day, and his first patient comes in and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My boyfriend refuses to take off his letter sweater when we make love, and now I have this horrible rash." She takes off her shirt, and sure enough, there's a big red itchy rash in the form of an H on her chest.
The doctor says, "This is interesting, I've never seen anything quite like it before. I wonder why it occured in such an unusual shape."
"He goes to Harvard," she says.
"Ah, that would explain it," he says. He prescribes some calamine lotion and sends her on her way."
The next patient comes in and says, "Doctor, I hope you can help me with this rash. It's a little embarrassing, but it's driving me crazy."
She takes off her shirt, and displays a big, itchy, red rash in the shape of a Y. The doctor raises his eyebrows. "It's my boyfriend," she explains.
"He goes to Yale, and is so into his new letter sweater that he never takes it off, even when we're making love. Is there anything you can do?"
The doctor prescribes calamine lotion and sends patient number 2 on her way. The third patient comes in and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me!" She takes off her shirt, and there on her chest is a big, itchy, red rash in the shape of an M.
"Don't tell me," says the doctor. "Your boyfriend goes to MIT, and refuses to take off his letter sweater when you make love."
The patient looks at him with surprise. "Close," she says. "My girlfriend goes to Wellesley."