Dear Wordy,
After a few months of really hot chat and devastatingly hot cyber and phone sex, my online babe and I are finally going to meet up in real life. To say that I’m looking forward to getting it on with this delightfully freaky woman is putting it mildly. If it’s a kink, she’s into it – which is exactly what I like in a woman!
Unfortunately I do have some worries about toys and tackle. With all the heightened security and baggage checks at the airport, I might be setting myself up for some major embarrassment. Any advice on how to avoid the horror of being singled out for ridicule by the Rent-A-Feds at the gate and still bring my toys with me?
--Have Toys, Will Travel
Dear Travel,
While we all understand the need for stringent security in the wake of the tragedy of 9-11, Ms Wordy joins you and many others in missing the days of the “friendly skies.” So many wonderful traditions are now lost for the foreseeable future – the teary-eyed farewells and joyful welcomes at the gate, the quickie in the ladies room with your girlfriend five minutes before last call for boarding, etc.
However, to deprive yourself of the potential delights of breaking out the love utensils for your paramour by leaving them at home would mean that the terrorists have won, so by all means pack those bags with all the gear your heart desires! You may choose to use a few wise options to “camouflage” these items, though.
· Never store your vibrators together in a bunch, such as in a small bag. Some, particularly the kind with fancy electronics, may cast a suspicious shadow on the X-ray machine. Keep them loose and fancy free. And for heavens sake, do remove the batteries. Nothing sparks curiosity like a buzzing, vibrating carry-on.
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· Carrying a business card declaring yourself to be a urologist should handily explain why you’re toting a selection of mock penises, as well. This would also work for various types of rubber tubing, latex products and lube. Just be forewarned that you may be asked for medical advice. If so, keep your answers vague
· If questioned about the 25 feet of rope, leather restraints and riding crop, you might be headed for a rodeo. For the cat o' nine tails, you're on your own.
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· Attaching an “Emergency Floatation Device” sticker on the package will reduce interest in blowup dolls rather quickly.
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· Do pack the scented/heated/flavored/lickable massage oils in unbreakable bottles. It’s nearly impossible to get that crap out of a silk blouse.
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· For another tack, load all your sex-related gear into the same bag and explain that it’s your “display case”. Have your business card ready, because you just might make a few sales while you’re waiting in line!
Good luck and happy traveling!
--WordyGrrl
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